There are many commonly-held myths and misconceptions around consent and healthy boundaries. These can lead to an increased prevalence of issues, poor support for victim/survivors, and incorrect outcomes in formal reporting procedures.
Here are some common myths and misconceptions, and the truths to counteract them. Email us on standingtogether@le.ac.uk if you have any more you'd like us to include.
Myth: If someone has consented to sex once, they consent every time
Fact: Just because you’ve had sex with someone before, doesn’t mean that you have automatically given consent to do it again. Consent must be enthusiastically and freely given for every act, every time. Consent can also be withdrawn during sex, at any point. This applies within relationships, or between people who have had sex before – if consent isn’t given, it’s rape or sexual assault.
Myth: Consent is only important for penetrative sex
Fact: Sex comes in many different forms, not all of which involve penetration. You need consent for all types of sex. Consenting to one sexual activity also does not mean that you have consented to all types of sexual activity.
Myth: If someone is drunk, on drugs, flirting or wearing revealing clothes, they clearly want sex so they’re basically consenting
Fact: If you’re unconscious or too drunk/high to properly know and understand what is happening, you can’t give informed consent. Nobody asks to be sexually assaulted, and there is no excuse for sexual violence. Even if you have been flirting with someone, you do not owe them sex. Rape, sexual assault or harassment have nothing to do with the victim and everything to do with the perpetrator.
Myth: If you don’t say “no”, that counts as giving consent
Fact: Consent must be enthusiastically and voluntarily given. If you are pressured, tricked, coerced or guilt-tripped into saying yes (or don’t feel safe to say no) then that’s not consent. People also respond differently to trauma – sometimes they will stay silent or freeze, and not be able to say no.
Myth: Setting boundaries is just being selfish
Fact: Healthy boundaries are about self-care, not selfishness. By putting boundaries in place, and sticking to them, you should see this as protecting yourself, not attacking someone else. Furthermore, by being strong and consistent with your boundaries, this helps to avoid confusion and ensure that things are clear for other people. Boundaries are also a two-way street – it is just as important to respect other people’s boundaries as to respect your own.
If you feel your consent or boundaries have been breached and you are a University of Leicester student, you can speak to the Standing Together team for support. You can make a disclosure via Report and Support, and a member of the team will be in touch.
If you don't want to speak to someone at the university, you can access more information and learn about support in the community here